Few leaders look forward to telling someone that their performance needs to improve.
Even experienced managers can feel uncomfortable before a performance improvement conversation. They worry about how the employee will react. They rehearse what they’re going to say. They may put the conversation off, soften the message so much that it gets lost, or go in overly prepared to defend their position.
None of that makes the conversation easier.
A performance improvement conversation works best when the employee understands both what needs to change and why it matters.
Years ago, I attended a presentation by Todd Stanton of Stanton Law on “Getting Rid of Problem Employees.” Todd walked us through the legal side of the performance improvement process in great detail. I remember thinking that the managers in the room were probably leaving much more competent about what they needed to do.
But competence doesn’t necessarily create comfort.
You can understand every step of a performance improvement plan and still dread sitting across from another human being and saying, “Something needs to change.”
That’s where leadership comes in.
A performance improvement conversation isn’t simply an HR process. It’s a leadership conversation. And how you enter that conversation will influence what happens next.
Start with your own state
Before thinking about the employee’s behavior, pay attention to your own.
What are you bringing into the room?
If you’re already frustrated, convinced the employee doesn’t care, or preparing yourself for an argument, that will show up. It may show up in your tone, your body language, the questions you ask, or the questions you don’t ask.
The employee will respond to that, too.
This is one of the things I come back to again and again in my work with leaders: we influence the behavior in front of us.
That doesn’t mean you’re responsible for an employee’s poor performance. It means you’re responsible for how you lead the conversation about it.
Instead of entering the conversation thinking, I have to confront this person, try approaching it more neutrally:
There is a performance issue that needs to be addressed. Let’s understand what’s happening and determine what needs to change.
That small shift can change the entire conversation.
Be clear about your intention
Before a difficult conversation, leaders often spend a great deal of time thinking about what they’re going to say.
I’d start somewhere else.
Ask yourself: What is my intention?
Are you trying to prove that you’re right? Document a problem? Get the employee to admit that they have failed? Or are you trying to understand what’s happening, clearly communicate what needs to change, and determine whether the employee can and will make that change?
Your intention affects your words. It also affects the energy behind those words.
You can say, “Help me understand what’s happening,” while your tone communicates, I already know what’s happening, and I’m waiting for you to admit it.
People notice the difference.
If your genuine intention is clarity and improvement, you create a very different starting point for the conversation.
Ask before you assume
Let’s say an employee has repeatedly missed an important expectation.
You may already have a story about why.
They don’t care.
They’re not committed.
They’re lazy.
They should know better.
The problem is that your story may be wrong.
There could be a lack of clarity about expectations. There could be a skill or competency issue. The employee could be overwhelmed, confused about priorities, struggling with something you don’t know about, or receiving conflicting direction from different people.
And yes, they could also simply not be doing what they’re supposed to do.
You won’t know until you have the conversation.
That’s why I prefer questions before conclusions.
You might start a performance improvement conversation with something as simple as:
“I’ve noticed X has been happening, and that’s different from what we need. Walk me through what’s happening from your perspective.”
Then listen.
Don’t ask the question just so you can wait for your turn to talk. Be curious enough to discover something you don’t already know.
Understanding the cause doesn’t mean lowering the expectation. Curiosity and accountability can exist in the same conversation.
In fact, I think they should.
Make the expectation unmistakably clear
Listening doesn’t mean dancing around the issue.
Once you’ve understood the employee’s perspective, the employee also needs to understand yours. Be specific about the performance gap, why it matters, and what needs to change.
This is where some well-intentioned leaders get themselves into trouble. They want to be kind, so they soften the message. They hint. They generalize. They talk around the issue.
Then the employee leaves without realizing how serious the situation actually is.
That’s not kindness. It’s confusion.
You can be direct without being harsh.
You can say, “This isn’t meeting the expectation for your role, and we need to see a change,” without attacking someone’s character or making them feel small.
Clear is kind because clear gives the other person something they can actually respond to.
Partner on the path forward
Imagine an employee named John is expected to start work at 8:00 a.m., but he repeatedly arrives at 8:30 or 8:45.
One approach is:
“Work starts at 8:00. From now on, you need to be here at 8:00.”
The expectation is certainly clear. But you still don’t know why John isn’t meeting it.
A better conversation might start with:
“John, our workday starts at 8:00, and I’ve noticed that you’ve been arriving around 8:30 or later. What’s getting in the way of being here at 8:00?”
Perhaps there’s a solvable problem. Perhaps there’s a misunderstanding. Perhaps John needs to make a change outside of work. Or perhaps he simply isn’t willing or able to meet the requirement of the job.
Those are very different situations.
Once you understand what’s happening, you can work together on what needs to change, what actions the employee will take, what support is appropriate, and how you’ll know whether improvement is happening.
The employee should leave knowing exactly what they are responsible for.
And so should you.
Accountability doesn’t require hostility
Sometimes leaders hesitate to take a coaching approach because they’re afraid it sounds too soft.
It isn’t.
You can listen, ask questions, offer support, and still hold a firm boundary.
There may come a point when the employee doesn’t make the required changes. If expectations were clear, appropriate support was available, and performance still doesn’t improve, the right outcome may be a change in role or the end of the employment relationship.
That doesn’t automatically mean the conversation failed.
Sometimes the honest conclusion is that the employee and the role are no longer a good match.
Leadership isn’t about avoiding difficult outcomes. It’s about handling them with clarity, fairness, and respect.
The leader sets the tone
Performance improvement conversations don’t have to become battles.
They can be direct and human at the same time.
The leader’s job isn’t to remove every uncomfortable emotion from the room. It’s to create enough clarity and steadiness that an honest conversation can happen.
Go in curious rather than accusatory. Listen before drawing conclusions. Make expectations unmistakably clear. Partner where partnership makes sense. Hold people accountable for what is theirs to own.
And pay attention to what you bring into the room.
Because before you ever say the first word, you’re already influencing the conversation.
That’s leadership.
If you’re a business owner or senior leader navigating difficult conversations like these, this is often where coaching becomes valuable. We can look at not only what needs to be said, but how you want to lead the conversation and what you want to create on the other side of it. Learn more about my work with founders and business owners.